#platform/youtube #channel/Master-YongHua #playlist/dharma-glimpses  When you try to help people, the mistakes that people try to do when others come to you for help is that you try too hard to help. You don't have to help. You're underestimating people's abilities to take care of themselves. You know, theoretically, we all endowed with our Buddhist nature. You know what it means? It's nothing we can't fix. We have that kind of wisdom. We have a lot of inherent wisdom built up in us that it's waiting for a chance to manifest itself. When you have a problem, that's when it has a chance of should I, should I, or shouldn't I? That's what happens inside of you. That's what most people don't realize. It's their conscious thinking, your conscious thinking, your reasoning, the logic. You've been you've been honing you've been sharpening through your education that preventing your Buddha nature from taking over. This is a secret about life about humanity that your teachers including your religious teachers will not be able to tell you because they don't know how to use it. Here's what happens to you when people come to you and say I'm—I'm in big trouble. Help help. And everyone who's invariably most of you will say okay let me help let's do how about this how about that whereas the first thing that you need to do is to listen let them release the builtup frustration and pressure and anguish they need to release first. Okay very much like a locomotive he needs to have that valve that toot to toot to toot. Okay. It sounds ridiculous. It's annoying but it has to happen for it to continue to function. So fundamental to life that when people have a problem give them a chance to vent. Just listen. Don't try to solve the problems for them. They can solve problem. You know that the secret is that most of the time they have to solve the problems themselves. They can when they given the chance, when they given the proper nudge. You're underestimating people's ability to take care of themselves. That's why I told the Koreans they as they had they asked a similar question. They said, "How can I help my friend? How can I help my daughter? How can I help myself?" So I said, "First listen, let people vent because they out of balance. The venting restores balance. That's what they need first from all of us. Most of them can take care of themselves. They are more intimately familiar with their own problems than we are. You think they can express their problems. They can articulate what really bothers them that that well they can't. They really can't. But they know one thing that we don't. They still bothered by it and it clouds their judgment. So the first thing you need to do is when you try to help someone is Yes. -Huh. -huh. Listen to them and keep listening and listening. Show empathy. Show kindness. That's the first rule of business is to show empathy and kindness and just listen and show you care about what they think or how they feel. That's what they need most. That's fundamental to problem solving. It's not like in you at work and your time is limited. you need to show results to your boss about how productive you are and so forth. No, this is about sharing your life with someone else. So, take all the time you need. Keep on talking to them and sharing your time with them until they become calmer. In chan, we are able to do that by developing the chan skills to calm ourself down a lot quicker through the chant technique through the meditation process. We calm ourself down because when people are agitated inside their brains, the thoughts are going crazy. It's out of control and fundamentally it needs time. It's very much like the surface of the ocean. When it's windy, it has so many waves because of the wind, because of whatever scientific thing you guys know. But all you need is time for the wave to die down because the winds cannot blow forever. It's so fundamental to problem solving. And this is why your therapists what what what do they do with you? They make you lie down on the couch and doctor. Oh, it's my mom. I love her dearly, but she really gets on my nerve. That's what they do for us. They allow us to release the pressure. And so, first make sure that you allow give them a chance to calm down. Number two, this is when you help them help them solve problems by what? nudging them gently. Don't tell them how stupid they are. I believe okay that all of us are able to solve our problems when given enough time. We can see soul we understand our problems a lot better than anyone else. [bell] A to a to