#channel/bodhi-light-teachings  **Master:** We can't always get what we want. So you try your best and then you learn to be happy with what you get. That's a secret to happiness. **Interviewer:** Disappointment shapes all of our lives, right? And there's—there's different types of disappointment. One of my friends, for example, his mom sacrificed a lot to—in order for him to become a doctor, you know, but he just couldn't become one. And because of this, she—you know, she became very disappointed with him, you know, she continues to express it. And for him, that's super hurtful. **Master:** Here's a fundamental issue. Parents have certain expectations of their children. Whether their children—our children are young or old, they all have expectations—hoping the children will fulfill the parents expectations and that is the recipe for disaster and then when the parents have such expectations they prepare to make investments or sacrifices and that compounds the pressure on the children and which makes the problem worse if they don't get what they want. **Interviewer:** So what does the child do? You know, what do I do with a mother who just can't love you for the way you are? **Master:** First of all, let's be real. It's nothing wrong with having expectations. Disappointments is part of life. It's how people handle disappointments that—that makes a difference. **Interviewer:** Is there anything to give—give them to help them handle that disappointment? **Master:** Very simple. Don't be so stuck on getting what you want. That's how life is. We can't always what get what we want. So what makes life interesting to me is that you try your best and then you learn to be happy with what you get. That's a secret to happiness. If you dwell on not getting what you want then you'll be unhappy and you'll be disappointed and it's makes your life miserable and makes the lives of the people around you miserable as well. So it's about learning that—first of all—there's nothing wrong with having expectations even unreasonable expectation that's normal okay; however, the way we handle disappointments or failures and not getting what we want could be improved okay accept the fact that it's not always the way we want and be happy with what we get. **Interviewer:** Master, what does my friend do you how he's hurt by his mother. How does he recover from this? **Master:** Accept that the fact is your mom. Your mom is entitled to the hurt you. Okay? And so therefore, very simply put, you learn to recover from the hurt more quickly. That's all. She will keep on hurting you and will help you develop a skill to recover quicker. Meditation. **Interviewer:** Is it possible to give her some insight this even though we're the child to say mom you're hurting me. **Master:** And that's the wrong premise in your question is that can I change my mom yes and that's a wrong premise from a Buddhist perspective from my Buddhist perspective I don't try to change you because you didn't ask me. **Interviewer:** Let's say let's say I'm a parent and I recognize this behavior to myself and you know I say these hurtful things to the person I love but every time I do it I'm caught in this feeling I just have to do it I have to release. **Master:** Yeah. **Interviewer:** What do I do to stop this cycle **Master:** In general when we have such impulses to release our frustration or anger like that uh it's very important for us uh to accept the fact that we created the damage. The rule the foundation is that you it's not okay to hurt anyone for any reason on purpose. Okay? And so if if we hurt someone on purpose, we need to take corrective actions. We need apologize, need to repent, you need to do something to prevent that from happening again. And this is a foundation of happiness. The reason that adults like us are unhappy because we lack the foundation of happiness. Okay? It's impossible for us to be happy if our happiness is built upon someone else's misery. It doesn't work.